I want the American College Spring Break Experience. That is what I am calling it, well, maybe that is what it is actually called. It’s not the traveling part that I want. I have had a year abroad in Lithuania and then again I had 3 months in Scotland. I had my little vacations during those times (mostly tame). I even managed to have a legit vacation with friends that I made in those countries. Why then do I want to have the American Spring Break? It’s not going to be anything different except I would go with someone that I have claimed as my best friend my entire life and a few others that I can call friends. We would go to an American beach and be legit-ly legal (being 18 in a country where it is 18 to drink is not legit though eventually in Scotland I was 21) to drink to the point where I meet some random guys and actually manage to have some harmless fun (not sex since that would most likely be illegal). I have traveled abroad twice now and I just can’t stop traveling. No wait this would be different. Those experiences were me traveling by myself. I traveled by myself made friends there and eventually went on a different vacation with them. Then my argument is that the initial traveling was friendless and that is what was missing. My journey I had to make friends to ‘vacation’ with. Don’t get me wrong I love my international friends and I had amazing experiences but it seems I want the American Spring Break. I want to have the trip planned with some men and women who happen to all be friends, if not acquaintences, and there is nothing holding any of us back from having a good time, like trying to know each other or for that matter we don't know each other yet.
Another factor is that really if I look back on my college experience it is sadly lacking. I had the great roommates even though it looks like they can't stand me since I never seem to keep them for a year. I joined a few organizations (first year I joined a lot of them), but by the beginning of my senior year I have no motivation to be in them for it is now I have to be a leader in it instead of just a participant. Something about seniority, I think. I didn’t join the American idea and join a sorority. On the outside I said it was because I didn’t want to pay for people to hang out with and that there many mandatory functions were derogatory and silly but really it was because I don’t have the money and really I would feel to much anxiety over the fact that I would have to dress up and try to fit in. Though the other reasons also play a role. Now I’m only saying my college experience lacked on the social side. All the important stuff like having the job, working on actual homework to keep grades up, and living on my sort-of own (hey one year I had an apartment though I am back in the dormitories) I actually managed to succeed at.
Lastly there is a niggling feeling in my core. I feel like I have to keep traveling so that eventually I will find ‘him.’ Do I know what I’m talking about? Not in the slightest, so I’m going to just muddle through what I mean. I want love, romance, and someone that is my soul mate. I want the man that I have recurring dreams with. I didn’t think that love was for me or I mean to say that fairy tale ending was for me. I guess the cynical person in me is giving up on ever finding ‘him’ or for that matter knowing that ‘true love’ does exist. That side keeps screaming “Samantha you are a bleeding idiot, not to mention just setting yourself up to be hurt.” Then there is the other side that reads the romance books and keeps dreaming. So I guess I am torturing myself. I keep thinking that I am a romantic stuck in a cynic body and world. Back to the idea of Spring Break helping me find ‘him,’ it’s really not that hard to imagine how I got that idea. It’s in all the books and stories. Oh of course there are the predators but then there is the one guy that is actually looking for ‘her.’ Don’t laugh, I’m freaking serious.
So there we have it. Three reasons why I want to do the American College Spring Break. Just reading all this, makes me weep, because the little voice in the back of my mind is saying “there is no way any of your expectations will play true and it will be a big disappointment.” I don’t even think I can get the money to go.
