"I need a Holiday..."

"I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not

to." Bilbo Baggins

It happens every time I want a vacation, this quote from Lord of the Rings (movie) runs through my mind. I must have this quote inscribed in stone. It's for any vacation, it's for any break, and it's for any time that I feel frustrated. It's not like everything is going wrong. In fact everything couldn't be going more right. Well, it could be a little bit better but it's not in the toilet so I'm not complaining. I've had my main job for 1 year 4 months at the hotel. My other summer job has finally ended and my deputy clerk job I've been there for a year. My mom finally has some work. I have a beautiful house that isn't falling apart (well it has a few flaws). My family isn't sick (or at least they are managing). I didn't break my neck falling down my stairs, though I have some other random pains from my spine (eventually I will go to a chiropractor). Lastly, I even have an arrangement where I will get to move somewhere for 3 months and still have my 2 jobs comfortably. 

I don't think I was meant to stay in the same spot constantly. When I was younger, I don't remember being this antsy but I think that I have been influenced by something. I have never stayed at a job for more than a year because I was moving to other places. I mean I worked at one library for 3 years during college, but every summer I went home so I don't necessarily count that. This is a novel experience to work like this and not have a set end when I'll be going to another place. This is why I'm so happy that my job is going to give me 3 months somewhere else. I'll be in my Hancock address with my dad and grams, but I'll take what I can get. I had planned to cross the pond in November and I'm sad that it won't happen. I just had way too much happen this year for me to go. I also want to go somewhere new. I've been to Europe and now I want a different experience somewhere else. I just have so many friends who want me to see them in Europe that I even feel bad that I want something else (I know I shouldn't but of course I do).

I can't make up my mind though. On one hand I want to travel, but on the other, I just need to get away from people. I need some days where I don't have to cater to others but myself. I just want to hide in my house with the music blaring, good book, phone off, and a video game (of course not at once). I call it my vegging out but it really has a different purpose. I love my friends and would love to see them but I think that if I don't get some time for myself they wouldn't want to be around me either. I feel angry and every little thing keeps me angry. One day off to veg out isn't enough. I need some consecutive days.

Bilbo Baggins, I am not. I can not take a very long holiday or even to run away. Though that doesn't stop me from  being tempted and craving an end to all the responsibilities. You give me somebody who doesn't want to ever run away at least once in their life and I'll eat raw celery (I hate that stuff). In the meantime, I'm going to settle for a four day weekend. It will just have to be good enough.